Is it just us, or has Jon Gosselin (of Jon + Kate Plus 8 fame) been looking pretty worse for the wear these days? What’s that you say? It’s not just us and you agree? Okay, good. We were almost starting to feel guilty for secretly thinking that J-Goss has started to resemble a glazed ham. Let’s ponder.
Is It A Vicodin Addiction?
Now, we never like to point the finger (one finger pointing at you equals four pointing back at us, right?), but it looks as though Jon might have a bit of a drinking problem and, possibly, a pill problem as well. After the big split, he was spotted living it up all over his home state of Pennsylvania, where he hit on college chicks left and right and even picked himself up a sassy little Kate-replacement, the young, drunk, and fabulous Hailey Glassman. (Glassman herself is hot mess, but that’s another story…) We feel we can safely blame the bloat on his drinking, but where does the acne come from? True, all signs point to Jon entering some sort of mid-life puberty stage, but we think it could be a sign of a Vicodin addiction. After all, opiate addiction can cause some nasty skin flare-ups. Hell, so can speed. Let the rumors fly!
Should Jon Check Into An Executive Rehab?
Alright, fine – calling Jon an executive is a bit of a stretch, but he is the new Mayor of Mid-Life Douchebaggery. Therefore, we would like to suggest that Jon consider checking himself into a high-end executive rehab, where he can dry out in style. Executive rehabs offer all the luxury Jon has grown accustomed to, from morning acupuncture (let’s clear up that skin, shall we?) to 800-count Ed Hardy sheets*. (*We’re lying about the sheets, but surely arrangements could be made.) In any event, he could surely benefit from a supervised detox. At the very least, a stay in rehab would make for better publicity than his latest gig making milkshakes on camera in West Hollywood.
Best Reality TV Concept EVER: Jon Goes To A Sober Living Home!
If Jon wants to continue grabbing headlines, whipping up milkshakes in front of three dudes with zoom lenses isn’t going to cut it. Perhaps he should consider crawling back to the hand that fed him: reality television! It also might be wise of Jon to capitalize on the meteoric rise of shows like Celebrity Rehab by marrying his obvious need for alcohol rehab with his even more obvious need for reasonable exposure. How about something like Jon Plus 8 Convicted Felons Check Into A Sober Living Home? Too wordy? Whatever, we’d watch it and, don’t lie, so would you. So grow a pair and just do it, Jon. We’ll help you pitch it to TLC.
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